OMG BWAAHHAAHAAAAHH!!!


It deserves it's own journal entry, I shall review this brilliant, brilliant film! Beowulf is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. EVER. WITH TEN EXCLAIMATION MARKS. XD

Like 300, it comes from Brian Blessed's School of Acting, which means that everybody TALKS LIKE THIS. And this time it's the story of a brave warrior, who looks like a Dane, fights like a Dane and has the accent of Phil Mitchell from Eastenders. His vocabulary consists of "that's bootiful", "monsta" and "I AM BEOWULF", which he says at least 372671827 times throughout the film. Even as a replacement for the traditional warcry of "AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHH".


Although it was a step up from Grendel, the monsta, I had no fucking idea what he was saying throughout the film... Except for, ironically, "Beowulf". He also has the magical powers to turn every place he attacks into a rave party.

DO NOT SEE THIS FILM IF YOUR EPILEPTIC, YOU WILL MOST CERTAINLY DIE. OR IF YOUR UNDER 12. THE RATING IS A LIE.



Angelina Jolie plays herself, seducing men and collecting MOAR AND MOAR CHILDREN. She has 100 shots of her face doing exactly the same thing, is naked and does a strange rotating thing like she's on some kind of Beowulf carousel.

The Silver Surfer is also in it, only he's gold.

I also believe strongly that the makers of this film have never, ever met a woman. Beowulf's wife and mistress trying to save eachother from a dragon? HAVE YOU NO IDEA?! They'd be sprinkling eachother with salt and handing it a bloody fork!

But yes, I loved Beowulf as a film. Especially the 12 naked scenes with tastefully placed weapons/flames/extra's heads to hide his erm...golden horn.

Go see it, it's like Shrek's violent, bad-mouthed big brother.

GLORIOUS PEOPLE!


And not forgetting.



CAN YOU SEE A DIFFERENCE? NEITHER CAN I.

And thanks for the 14,000 views. This makes me feel very happy and smug. Thanks for making a Natalie feel happy and smug.

Yeah.